I really feel that I belong somewhere else.
I really am feeling the need to get on a plane and go to Nevada or Ireland.
A piece of my heart is in each of those places, and I can't help but feel that it's there that I need to be.
I need to defend Joan, and get her murderer locked away for good, I feel I owe that to her because of all the things she had done for me.
I need to just visit her grave, and get the closure I've wanted since her death.
I need to know, or realize, that she's in a better place with my grandpa and Uncle Bob.
I just need to know that she's okay, and that she's moved on to a better 'afterlife'.
I find myself drifting off, and imagining endless green fields.
It's so pretty in Ireland.
It's so clean and magnificent.
It's where my family worked, and reigned over.
They say our name is from royalty.
And I imagine my ancestors being rulers of such a beautiful land.
I spent the best week of my life there.
I met my grandmother's only surviving sibling.
She's about 97, and she marveled over me.
She held my hand and cried.
She told me how much I reminded her of a woman I've never met before.
She wanted me to realize how proud my grandmother would have been of me if she had lived to see me.
Her words made me cry, but made me feel so much at home.
It broke my heart to leave there.
But I knew I'd return.
Someday, when I'm at school, or if I'm in my home, my mind wanders off to a place that remains in my heart.
The rebellious parades down the main street in Dublin, the murals on the stone walls depicting and reminding us of the past,
The old castles and ruins, the cliffs of moher, the views of the Atlantic Ocean, the friendly people, driving on the wrong side of the road, cousins you've never met before joking around with you over multiple cigarettes, the stories about grandmammy, and my dad and Aunt Kathy from when they were my age and younger, The talks about medical history in my family, and finding out why my dad was sick, and what made him get sick.
Every little thing about Ireland makes me want to just go back and run through the fields, or feed the chickens in Aunie Kate Ann's yard.
She's got the most adorable cottage in the countryside, and I loved spending time there. She gave me flowers from her garden, the same garden my grandmammy once wandered around in. Cousin Andy singing and joking around, and Brigid telling me how everyone's related through pictures and old home videos.
It's Ireland that I belong in.
And one day, I know I'll be there again.